Serving is an ideal way to receive

            I had an audition a few days ago that began, well, let’s just say a little hectic.  When I arrived, I ran into a couple of actresses I knew who kindly directed me to sign in with the casting assistant.  Then I learned that though I had a callback time, we were auditioning in the order on the sign in sheet.  And the staff was over an hour behind. 

            Thankfully, that is not norm.  Still on this night, I was not happy.  I had driven a few hours to get there, and I received the audition notice the same day.  The audition line was outside the building and it was not warm at all.

            I complained.  I was perturbed.  After a while, I decided to walk inside the lobby area to stay a little warmer.  I met another actor inside who had shown up because a friend of a friend of a friend knew the casting director.  But, he had no script.  He didn’t even know what the roles were.

            I pulled up the audition notice on my phone.  We looked at all of the characters for men together to see where he might fit. Since they were all the same age range, reading for any of the roles seemed like it would work for him.

            I stopped the next actor who came out of the audition.  I asked him if the other actor could use his script.  He handed it to him with no questions asked.  Now, my new actor friend could prepare for the audition.

            Because I had been standing close to the action of the auditions for a while, I had learned the casting assistant’s pattern.  I knew when she instructed the next person to enter, where they were supposed to stand and how to keep the rotation running.  With the lag time in the schedule, even she was frustrated and stepped away from time to time to take a call.

            To keep things moving, I stepped in and keep the actors moving through the audition.  Before long, the casting assistant gave me her coat to wear.  Then, without me asking, she sent me in early to audition, well before I was supposed to go by the sign up list. I even went before the actresses who told me to sign up when I arrived. 

            It was almost like a miracle.  Instead of focusing on the long line, the cold, the wait, I began focusing on others around me.  And like magic, I no longer had “problems” but opportunities to serve others.  That’s when my blessing came.

            I would like to say that I made the choice consciously.   I did not consciously choose to turn my focus away from what I perceived as a problem.  And honestly, I didn’t give to get either.  Perhaps it was an unconscious choice based on my own work with personal development. 

            Regardless of how it happened, as soon as I sat in my car, I knew that my shift in thinking about what was wrong and focusing on others totally changed my night. 

            But, I am not advocating putting yourself last and everyone else before you.  That’s the topic of another blog.  However, truly deciding not to focus on a situation as a problem can literally change your life.

            How can you serve today?

            

      

            There is nothing like an old fashioned scavenger hunt.  I remember a couple of years ago I was in San Jose, California working with a group of college students for the Monster Diversity Leadership Program and we participated in a scavenger hunt through the hills of UC-Berkeley’s campus.

            As a child, scavenger hunts were always exciting- especially the Easter Egg Hunt.  At my childhood church, we often had one white egg and that was the one that won the finder some cash!  Oh, how I use to search for that white egg.

            Fast forward a few years and I have learned that life is a scavenger hunt.  There a lots of things to search out and find… new restaurants, new careers, new places of worship, new hobbies, and even a new YOU.

            I have often heard the phrase, “Success Leaves Clues.”  I am not sure who originally said it as some sources attribute it to Jim Rohn and others Tony Robbins.  Regardless of the originator, the phrase is a very powerful statement on how to advance our lives in many areas.

            For example, if you want to establish a successful restaurant, it makes sense to find a successful restaurant and model their steps- not steal their ideas or their unique brand.  (That’s the topic of a whole different blog!)

            To build a successful business, no matter the industry, watching, learning, modeling, and synthesizing strategies and approaches so that they work for YOU is key.

            This also applies to any area of your life.

            If success truly does leave clues, what have you found?  What are you overlooking?  And are you even in the game?  How many pieces of the puzzle will it take to build your version of success for you?

            Got clues?

           

What's in a Name

       

     Words are powerful.  So are names.  That power though can have negative or powerful energy attached to it.

            Take for example, calling someone a genius.  Whether or not that person would officially classify as a genius, the energy associated with that name is usually positive.  However, calling someone a monster probably will not be received with the same positive energy.

            Whether in the work environment, the community, or a school setting, words can change the course of a day, and in some cases, the course of someone’s life.

            Today is World Day of Bullying Prevention.  Observed the first Monday in October, adults and children are encouraged to wear blue to show their solidarity with the organization, “STOMP out Bullying.”

            Bullying has become a hot button topic lately, especially now that the practice has spread online, and cyberbullying has become a big issue.

            It’s unfortunate and sad that students are singled out because of the way the dress, their race, their religious affiliation, or any differences that may make them easy targets.

            Last Friday in Michigan, a 16 year old girl, Whitney Kropp, rose above what seemed to be a high school prank.  Kropp had been picked on in the past, and some students suggested her nomination to be on the homecoming court was just a joke.

            Kropp, who gained national attention, received huge support from the community, with businesses donating everything from her hair style to the dress she wore for the homecoming game.  Even students from the opposing school wore Kropp’s favorite color, orange, to show their support.

            Most stories do not end like this though.  Students who are bullied often times suffer long term effects.  And of course, adults are victims of bullying too.

            But.

            What about the bullies?  Who are they?  And what are their needs? 

            To the parent of a bullying victim, these may seem like unfair questions that make the bully seem like a victim.  Well, let’s follow that trail for a moment.

            Child expert Michelle Borba contends that some of the reasons children bully may include, they may have received too rigid or harsh discipline and “conditional love; they may be former victims of bullying needing protection; they may use the aggression to seek attention or power, or they may be allowed to get away with aggressive behavior at home, just to name a few.

            So while bullies should be disciplined properly, held accountable for their actions, and educated on the proper way to handle challenges, perhaps true prevention starts with love.  Oversimplifying?  Well, the Beatles did contend, “All You Need is Love.”  However, let’s go back to Borba’s reasons for bullying.

            In each of the reasons outlined above, I think unconditional love from parents, guardians, and the community is a part of an effective prevention strategy.  Discipline is a form of love and the proper discipline for a bully is a necessary teaching tool.  Still, before there is ever a need for discipline and before there is ever an issue; could unconditional love and proper attention be part of the key to prevention? 

            Have adults become too busy and successful to show children love?  Are adults giving love through gifts, trips, and loose rules? 

            Have teachers been taxed with too many students, too much work, and too many rules to the point where it’s very challenging to give students the kind of attention they need and deserve?

            What about the word, bully?  Not the warmest label in the world and I am sure there are those who may contend that people just need to call a spade a spade.  Still, for the child who is already insecure, and is only trying to protect himself, how does this word make him or her feel?

            For parents whose children have been beaten, physically abused, or from their perspective, scarred for life, these questions may stir up anger and resentment.  It’s an understandable reaction and my heart goes out to you.

            There is room for discussion and a lot of room for improvement.  Does prevention start at home or at school?  Should parents be held accountable for their children who bully?  What support programs could help students who are bullying victims?

If all we need is love, what are you doing today and everyday to make the world free from bullies?

Hidden in Plain Sight (Do you see the man?)

   

          A few weeks ago, I was on my way back to a hotel from a speaking engagement and preparing to head to the airport.  I had a package with me that I needed to drop off at Fed-Ex, label already attached.

            As I drove into the parking lot, I noticed there was a big Fed-Ex truck near the entrance, where I wanted to park.  I was concerned it might be too close to my parking spot, but nonetheless, I really wanted to a park near the door since I was about to check out of my room.

            I sat in the car for a moment, thinking about everything I needed to do before going back to the airport, find a Fed-Ex drop box, pack, check out, and gas up the rental.  Since I have a Places feature on my phone, I hoped it would easy to find a Fed-Ex location.  But I was in a rural area, and I started to get a little concerned.  I got out of the car and realized, as you may have already, there was a Fed-Ex truck less than 10 feet away!

            It reminded me of a chapter in Geneen Roth’s book, Women, Food and God when she discusses things being “hidden in plain sight.”  I have often heard it said that the things we are looking for are many times right in front of our eyes.  Yet, in the day to day hustle and bustle of life, we sometimes miss it altogether.

            If a shortage of money is a problem for you, yet you have an undeniable talent to ______ (fill in the blanks on that thing that everybody says you do so well) then the source to end your money shortage is your talent.  NO EXCUSES about I do not know how (there’s a thing called the internet with ABUNDANT RESOURSES)

            If you have always wanted to do ________________(fill in the blanks on that thing that you keep talking everyone’s head off about doing) then you are the reason you have not done it. (ouch- I know…. Hard pill to swallow)  But, as my friend, author Mark Wiggins often says, you have to “give yourself permission to succeed.”

            The objects of your desires are often right in front of your eyes.  Are you ready to get in the starting line-up of life or you okay sitting on the bench?  

Seeing is Believing

    

       Recently I visited Garden City, Kansas.  I had never heard of it though I was scheduled to speak at Garden City Community College and fortunately there was an airport in town.
            As we made our final approach into the city, I gazed out the window, hoping to catch a downtown skyline off in the distance. 
            Nothing.
            In fact, except for far off street lights, the only thing I could see were the lights on the runway.  When we got off the plane, I saw that there was only one airline.  One gate.  One terminal.  One restaurant.  One baggage claim.  That's the picture of the entire airport above.
            As we walked into the airport, the complaints started.
            “Where is this place?”
            “Have I stepped into the Twilight Zone?”
            What I noticed though, amid the fact that yes, it was indeed small, was that the rental car counter was 10 feet away from the door I entered.  My walk from the airplane, to the rental car counter, and to baggage claim to collect my bag, was less than 10 minutes.  My rental car was parked curb side and my contract and keys were waiting when I arrived.  NEVER have I walked from plane through the airport and to my rental car in less than 20 minutes.
            NEVER!
            Of course the return flight was equally as easy.  From my return to the rental car row, to inside the airport and through security was less than 10 minutes.  When I stepped on the plane, I noticed we had the same flight crew from the night before when I arrived.  I asked the flight attendant how was her night in Garden City.  More complaints.
            Now, I am not saying I am ready to pack my bags so I can live in the town with the small airport; however, while I was there, I chose to look at the positive side of the experience.
            Is the glass full or is it half empty?  I chose to see it half full. I know, it’s such a cliché saying that sometimes we bypass the importance and significance of it in our daily lives.
            A better way to think of this might be the way Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of my favorite teachers, says it.  “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
            However you see the “glasses” in your life is a choice.  No one can make you see a glass as half empty, or a small airport as a step in the Twilight Zone.

 

            How you CHOOSE to see the world is the world you will experience.  Are you making wise choices?

           

There's No Place Like Home

            I absolutely love The Wizard of Oz.  Even though I know exactly what’s going to happen at every turn in the movie, I still get anxious when the Wicked Witch is trying to get Dorothy.  Oh, and the songs- I know those things by heart!  It’s such a universal reminder that truly, there is no place like home.          

          Recently I visited my great aunt and uncle in Los Angeles while I was in town on business.  It was my first visit to their home and I was so happy to see them.  After we played catch up for a while, they dropped me off in downtown where I was scheduled to meet a friend for dinner.               

        As we rode through the LA Live area where the Staples Center is located, my aunt got super excited, stating, “I’ve never been here before.” I must admit, it was awesome.  The restaurants, the big screen televisions and all the people walking around got me excited too.

            The Staples Center has been around since 1999.  And, my aunt and uncle have been in Los Angeles for well over 25 years.  More importantly, they live less than 10 minutes away from the arena.

            While I could understand why a non basketball fan may have never visited the arena, I found it just a little odd that she had never even been in the area.  (In case you are wondering, yes, my uncle had been to the area, though not the actual arena.)

            That night, I started to ponder how many people are missing out on the treasures close to home.  And I am not talking about some good restaurants or cool hang out joints.  

            I am talking about people, resources, and opportunities that could be life changing.  I remember when I published my first book.  Once I set the goal of doing the book and set a release date, I learned that one of my closest friends at the time was a graphic designer.  I already owned the painting that became my book cover.  And, I had a friend 45 minutes away who had just released his book, so he was an invaluable consultant. 

            In a way, I was kind of like Dorothy when she received guidance from Glenda, the Good Witch, “You’ve always had the power.”  I could have written my book many years earlier, but I just did not realize I had the power to do so all along.        

            If someone told you that you could graduate from college with a 4.0, would you believe him?  If a friend said that you could easily start a business with the little side hustle you make a few dollars from, could you see that?  Or, if a co-worker complimented you on your clothes, could you see yourself as a stylist?

            You have the power to change your life and in fact, the entire world.  Are you ready and willing to use it?

Give us Free

           The movie Amistad was a great educating film.  One of the most memorable lines in the film for me was “Give us free.”  I was reminded of that line and the movie recently.
            I visited an uncle in prison a couple of weeks ago.  It was the first time I had ever been to a prison and the first time in several years I had seen him.  I was a little anxious.  I had no idea what to expect.
            When I first arrived and walked toward the entrance, I had to be buzzed in through two gates before even entering the prison.  I remember standing there for what seemed like an eternity after I rang the bell before I was allowed to enter.  And, it seemed to make sense to me that since I entered one gate, the next one would automatically open, or at least open quickly after I rang the bell.  No such luck.  I still had to wait longer than what I thought was necessary.
            I immediately concluded that I NEVER wanted to be in prison.  Okay, not that I had been contemplating a stay in the big house, but, those few minutes of being told when I could enter a place that was isolated with barbed wire fencing with no access to family or friends sealed the deal.
            My visit went well and then after leaving my I.D. and keys at the front desk, I collected those items and again, waited to be buzzed out of three different doors to leave.  “If you do the crime, then you have to do the time,” is a saying I have often heard.  But, what’s sad is many people are doing time and they don’t even know it.  Yes, many of us, at various times in our lives are in our own self made prisons.
            Anytime you allow another individual to control your happiness, that’s prison.  When you limit your goals because you think only certain groups of people can achieve certain things, that’s prison.  If you allow yourself to believe you deserve misery, a bad job, an abusive relationship, or fill in the blank by what’s limiting you, that’s prison. 
            It’s no fun to be locked up in a state or federal institution.  But for some, rehabilitation is possible, and they can reenter society as productive citizens.  I have a high school classmate who has done just that and is on a personal crusade to mentor others so they do not go down the same path he did.
            What’s crazy is to be a prisoner of your own self imposed limitations.  What’s absolutely insanity though, is to not even realize it.
            How many places in your life have you given away your freedom?  And, what are you willing to do to reclaim it?